A work in progress

I've been looking back at all my past drafts that I never posted on this blog. They're still sitting there-- distant memories of anger I don't have anymore, poignant thoughts I don't remember having, poetry that must have wrote itself, and past heartache that doesn't seem so bad nowadays. I'm reminded of how life can change quickly and often. The significant can become inconsequential and the unknown can become unforgettable. I seek comfort in knowing that my pain will diminish over time and that God will continue to make all things new.

I'm doing my best to remember that (fortunately) God is not like us. In God, we find purity of thought and action, unending pursuit and love, and abiding clarity and comfort. The Scriptures say that Christ shares abundantly in our suffering and in our comfort.

I try not to make much of my situation when I see all of the suffering in the world-- loved ones fighting to stay alive and countries being torn apart. However, letting go of a part of yourself is never easy.

I hope that I can remember the joy I've experienced with fondness and not longing. I pray I can feel gratitude and not regret. I look forward to the day where I can look back at the past again and find this pain to feel unfamiliar. 

May His voice speak louder than the echoes of the past.

"Before I took a breath, You knew me

You called me by my name

And even when I'm at my darkest

You know me all the same

And every hair on my head You've numbered

And every thought within

And even when I cannot see You

I feel You closer than my skin

And in my darkest dreams, they find me

My failures haunt me in the night

A broken image of creation

Twisting, turning, hiding from the light

And then, I heard a voice so clear

Like deep calling, deep, and I could hear

I felt Your spirit drawing near

Breathing life in me, destroying every fear

My spirit woke with a hopeful plea

Each fighting breath resonating in me

You broke the chains to set me free

You gave me a song to lift my eyes and see

Lift up your head (You won't let me go)

Lift your head, 'cause help has come

Lift up your heart (You won't let me go)

Lift your heart, His will be done

Lift up your hands (You won't let me go)

Lift your hands and praise the One

Lift up your song (You won't let me go)

Lift your song, o ransomed son!

Before I took a breath, You knew me

You called me by my name

And even when I'm at my darkest

You know me all the same" - Even When I'm at My Darkest by Ascend the Hill