Jesus comfort my soul

Sometimes I question who I really am. But maybe I have it all backwards. Maybe I should have been questioning and sizing up others all along, questioning their intentions and what makes them who they really are. I've always thought that  I was great at understanding people. Maybe I've just fabricated false perceptions. I try to be so positive. I try to see the good in people. I bet the opposite is true for a lot of people. People that've been hurt want to size up others and decide if this new person could hurt them like the one before.

I don't want to become a cynic. I know I'm very vulnerable and that I open up to others. I truly believe in being authentic and truthful at all costs. It's a great, liberating feeling not having to hide who I am and what I do, not having to lie. I've done those things before, and it's not the lifestyle for me. It's a miserable feeling, no matter if you're hiding something good or not, or if your lying seems right or not (it never is).

I think it's possible for me to see the brokenness in others and still not cast them aside or hate them. Jesus didn't. I'm not Jesus, but I can try to do the same.

This life is so full of pain. Distrusting people and pushing them away is no solution to any problem. Although, sometimes I really want to go that direction. What scares me is that it is not possible to truly love others and not open up yourself to pain. It's a beautiful thing until the pain comes. But then what? How do I not shut down and close myself off when my vulnerability seemingly backfires? Sometimes I don't know the answer to that. How do I keep from becoming bitter when others hurt me for no apparent reason? Sometimes I don't know the answer to that either.

Sometimes I don't know why I'm not a bitter cynic who has given up on others when they've failed me so many times.

I'm trying to think of a proper answer and Charlie Hall's song "Mystery" has the only words that make sense to me right now. Jesus is my sanity and clarity. That's it.
The only reason I stay sane, the only reason my life has any clarity is because of Jesus. Nothing else resonates with my soul. Nothing.