This longing heart

The inexhaustible endeavor for long-lasting company slips through the fingers like a grasp at the wind. Moments of belonging and comfort turn to emaciating lonesomeness times on end. Bags packed--lighter this time, but pressing forward once more, the search persists. Like a vagrant, there is no settlement, even if desired. Somewhere, something coaxes the disheartening odyssey onward. An anchor holds somewhere in the unseen distance. It's like a reeling spool tethered to this longing heart. That glimmering tug of hope keeps the pursuit alive. One day the journey will end and then: beginning...

Holding On

I ache down in my bones.
In the depths of my soul,
I have a thirst.
I have a yearning.
Anticipation covers my skin.
My aspirations haven't set sail.
Hope has anchored.
I must believe it will hold.

Vulnerable Embrace

I just want to talk about things no one talks about.  I’m not sure if anyone wants to talk about them.  I want to talk about things that we feel vulnerable talking about.  Maybe others want to talk about those things too, but they feel too vulnerable to talk about them.  I want to talk about our fears.  I want to talk about our struggles.  I want to feel that understanding in empathetic silence after we reveal our vulnerabilities.  I want to feel each other’s pain, that way we don’t have to bear these things alone. 

We all yearn for human embrace, but we don’t care to admit it.  Well, we care, we are just afraid that no one will embrace such a vulnerable statement.  We all desire love, but we hesitate to reveal our feelings for one another out of fear of utter vulnerability.  That once in a lifetime mutual love is worth the risk, but the risk seems too risky in the face of unrequited love.  We all desire storybook love, at least your own storybook kind of love.  Someone else is reading it too.  They aren’t a critic, they’re the co-author you didn’t know about.

We’re all authors of stories untold-- stories that ache to be read, to be shared, to be embraced, and to be loved.

So, continue to write.  Continue to tell your story.  Spread your story.  It may never reach many, but it may reach those that care to know and be moved by it.

Christian Hoarders: Just throw it away!

Stacks of devotionals.
Stacks of flyers.

I'm sick of religious activity.  Some of it is done simply out of obligation, self-importance, some type of religious guilt, or even used as a morality checklist.

"Go to church" every week and "refuel"; join a Bible study and receive an outline on what we're expected to "get from the text"; buy a devotional and prescribe a "quiet time"; go to every single event and program; call any little thing you do "service" and feel good about yourself; surround yourself with "church folk", do "church stuff", and it's "all for the glory of God".

Give me a break.

Should "church" be a culminating experience and a place you go to every week and refuel your Jesus tank for the week?  NO.  (I think I'll write a post just on this.)

Why do we encourage a set quiet time?  Is it because we like giving Jesus an hour of our time and not our whole day?  Actually, yes.  That's exactly why we do it.  We absolutely hate giving up control and we hate when others access our dirty secrets.  But giving Jesus complete reign?  It sucks because we're so comfortable, but we have to at least try.  So listen.  Go get your devotional and throw it in the trash!  Instead, give Him complete access to your whole day.  Let Him infiltrate your schoolwork, your job, everything!  Eat, walk, talk, write, laugh, cry, wait at the DMV, read a book, play a game, all in the name of Jesus!  It sounds silly, but it will make perfect sense when you do.  This is the Gospel.

Why do we hold so many events and have so many programs?  Maybe consumerism is to blame.  Maybe we invite as many people to as many things as possible because we think we'll "reach" the optimum amount of non-Christians that way.  I think pushing events and "church activities" in the faces of those who don't believe is actually a deterrent.  I've seen it firsthand.  I'm not saying don't talk about Jesus.  I'm saying that that's not good enough.  We can do more.  Why is it so hard to commit and invest in one person and love them?  To pour ourselves out over and over for them?  Because it takes work and it makes us uncomfortable!  We also feel like we should get something out of it!  But I know that's what Jesus wants for us to do.  So go take your flyers and throw them away!  Instead, step out of your comfort zone and really and truly love someone that's difficult for you to love.  That's where you'll find Jesus.

Just take one look at Jesus' life and you'll see a crystal clear disconnect between religious activity and what Jesus was all about.  In fact, he explicitly rejected the Pharisees' religious activity.  Jesus completely undermined their rules upon rules.  Where was the substance?  Jesus showed that not only was there no substance in their religious activity, but all of their religious activity was actually DISTANCING them from God and putting them at odds with Him.

What I'm afraid the modern church is doing is building large bubbles.  We surround ourselves with more and more people that look like us, talk like us, act like us, and think like us until we form a solid wall around our beloved "church".  Sure, you can come join us, but it's all or nothing.  You better conform to that list.  WE are doing it the right way.  WE have it all figured out.  THIS, in fact, is how it works and how it looks.
Is all of that really furthering the Kingdom of God, or are we actually building our own kingdoms?

When we look at Jesus' life, we see something much different.  We see Him eat with sinners over and over and over and over.  The lost are the people in which he spent the majority of his time.  This bothered the uber-religious Pharisees to the core.  The gospels tell of Jesus telling and explaining things, Jesus going out and showing the 12 what that looks like, then handing that over to them(and to us).  Acts would be super boring if it was just some guys who kept to themselves and talked and sung about Jesus the whole time.  It probably would've meant Jesus didn't mean much to them and that they never understood who Jesus was or what He meant in the first place.

Good thing we don't do that...

We are not good enough (on our own)

People always claim that if we all work together we can solve all problems and make the world right.  That we can end hunger.  That we can end poverty.  That we can end disease.  That we can end war.  That we can end pain.  By now, I think we should be able to realize that we can't solve all the world's problems (not that it is a bad thing to try to bring about good and help one another).  However, we are simply not capable of accomplishing all of these things.  We say "well if everyone was more educated", "well if everyone was more passionate", "well if everyone was more loving".  As people, we see how fragile and weak we are day in and day out.  We see how quickly our best intentions/plans/ideas become corrupted and fail.  And yet, we have hope that some way, some how, these problems can be fixed and everything can be made right.  We exhaust method after method.  We need to step back and reevaluate.  The idea that we can achieve anything if we work hard enough has been engrained in our heads.  Our culture is saturated with this idea. 

Sometimes our best isn't good enough.  Sometimes our every effort fails.  Sometimes pain, suffering, and death is inevitable.
We, on our own, can't make everything right.  However, our hope is not in vain.  Our recognition that we are not in control needs to lead us to the Gospel.  Jesus embodied everything that we hope to be and see in the world.  His life, death, and resurrection showed us that all things can be made new.  He showed us that he alone can make much of us despite how uneducated, weak, impassionate, and stubborn we are.  He showed us there is hope for us all.  Let us place our hope in Jesus.  This world may be broken, but with Jesus healing is not far off.

Commitment and faithfulness

  So often we question God on why he doesn't respond to our prayers the way we want him to.  "I've held up my end God, where are you now?".  There is a problem with this mentality.  It is much more than a simple misunderstanding of God's timing.  Deep down, when we think this way, we are questioning his commitment and faithfulness to us.  There is no one more faithful than him.
Throughout the scriptures, in almost every single book, we see that we as people turn away from God.  But we also see that when we cry out and turn back to God, he is still there and embraces us with open arms.
  Jesus's commitment to the apostles despite their numerous shortcomings is second to none.  Before facing his eventual brutal humiliation, flogging, and crucifixion, we see him under tremendous stress, sweating blood and asking if there is "any other way".  He walked directly to the cross, meeting death with a kiss.  Yes, he overcame death, something only he could accomplish, but we cannot disregard the amount of commitment he has for us.  In the Great Commission at the end of Matthew, Jesus says that he is with his disciples until the end of the age.
  Our mentality of "I've held up my end God, where are you now" can lead to, and even attempt to justify, things like divorce.  Things aren't going the way you want so you give up.  Divorce is a break in commitment, a grasp for control, and a desire for self.  Divorce says that God won't come through.
  In Hosea, we see that Hosea is told to marry Gomer, a prostitute.  Over and over Hosea pursues Gomer, grabbing her from lovers' arms.  As hard as it is to swallow Hosea's story, it tells us of God's unfailing commitment to us.
  The beautiful thing is that, despite our unfaithfulness to him, he remains faithful (2 Timothy 2:13).  Unlike all other relationships in our lives, God doesn't dip out when things get tough.  God always accepts us with overflowing forgiveness.  God is jealous for us because he wants us.  We cheat on him constantly.  He pursues us when we run.  He loves us even after all the unfaithfulness.  Take heart!  He will come through.  He will incline his ear to us when we cry out.  Our loved ones may pass, and surely we will suffer, but he is with us and is fully committed to us.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

The Gravity of God

Like planets and stars, the biggest things in this universe have their own gravity.  Likewise, I think God has gravity.  I think that our wandering selves need to gravitate toward him and get caught in his grasp.  I believe that we struggle and fight the weight of glory all the time, desperately wanting to keep control and power and not let God have it.  I think most of us really become aware of God's gravity at our lowest point.  When we hit rock-bottom and are crushed, we sometimes finally let go and God has His way, his perfect way that may not always make sense to us.  It is this "poor in spirit" attitude, the realization that we can't do this on our own, that we need.  I think that, possibly, God is so big, our orbit is so long, and our vision is so near-sighted that we aren't capable of understanding the path that we are on.  But with God at the center, we can be confident that we are safe in His control.  That, even when we are broken and confused, He knows where we are headed.  We can find comfort in this "For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,  who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him" (1 Thessalonians 5:9-10).  We are assured that, through Jesus, our future is secure.  Without Jesus, we are helplessly wandering off into the darkness looking for whatever is next, looking for some place to call home.  All the while, God has set up a place for us, a place of purpose, love, and community, a place with no more pain and no more death.  May we keep Him at the center.  Amen.